Texting with the Cullens
by 333halfevil
Summary: Edward:Hey Honey... Emmet: I'm not your honey and EW!, enjoy this hilarious mix of the cullens and pranks between. Rated T just in case! Please R&R! hope you enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Its all fun and games….

Edward: Hey honey, all the sadistic vampires wishing for your death are dead and we're engaged, do you want to get something to eat?

Emmet: Wrong number, and I'm not your _honey! _EW!!

Bella: hey, emmet just forwarded that, and yeah. where were you thinking?

Edward: How about the woods?

Bella: So not funny.

Edward: ok how about the cute little dinner in Port Angeles. I believe it's called The fishing hole?

Bella: Ew! That dump? No. How about the restaurant where we first met?

Edward: fine. That sounds good. How come you want to go there?

Bella: the ravioli was good.

Edward: Ok, so what do you want to do until then?

Bella: ummm, how about we go to the meadow? Meet you there in about an hour?

Edward: Ok. You know I think I might need to hunt tomorrow.

Bella: Ok, well I'll see you in an hour.

Two days later.

Edward: Hey honey, we need you to come down to our house. You remember how to get down here right?

Bella: Ya. What's wrong?

Edward: Well, Alice and Emmet had a cook-off and they want to find out the winner but none of us will try the food.

Bella: oh, ok, be there in about a half- hour

45 minutes later

Alice: Oh come on Bella, you know we were just playing with you

Alice: Now you're really going to hurt my feelings, just don't cancel the wedding ok?

Alice: I'll talk to you soon then. Love you Bella! You know we were just playing with you.

Bella: Edward Mason Cullen, how could you let them play such a horrible prank on me? What have you got to say for yourself?

Edward: You should have seen your face though-chuckle-

Bella: Oh, Ok. I get it. It wasn't bad enough that I had to put up with their horrible cooking, but you guys decided to put food coloring in it to look like blood and freak me out. Yeah, so mature. I'm never eating their cooking again. Ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Until someone loses and eye…

Disclaimer I own nothing Stephenie Meyer-ish or related. Even if I wished really hard that I did, I don't. How come my fantasies never come true? Here you go.

Edward: Hey Bella, want to go swimming?

Bella: don't you have to wait for a cloudy day to do that?

Edward: we found a secluded pool where we can all swim

Bella: ok, so how about this, I don't have a swim suit?

Edward: You know Alice already took care of that! Jeez, how could you be so un-in touch with her?

Bella: ok, ok. I guess. I'll meet you at your house in 20 mins.

(a/n: completely different conversation)

Emmet: Did you get it ready?

Alice: Of course, but I'm not taking the blame for this. If Bella found out she would murder me and then call off the wedding.

Emmet: ok I'll take the blame. She's more likely to forgive me anyways

1 hour later

(a/n: this is written as it happens from Bella's POV because it would be repetitive to make Bella yell at Emmet through texts although that is included)

I was starting to feel more comfortable in the itty-bitty bikini Alice bought me and relaxing. Watching Emmet, Edward, and Jasper all playing and joking in the light felt nice. Almost like none of the horrible monsters-from-the-night-are-trying-to-kill-me and OMG-he-left fazes had happened. I almost felt normal, except for the blindingly bright rainbows shattering off of everybody else. Esme had wanted to stay and cook (I trusted her cooking) and Carlisle was at work so it was just me and the other "teens".

Everything suddenly sped up. It was one of those freaky times where many details fell into place at once. I saw Emmet getting ready to dive right as Alice, swimming at a human sped, swam under his certain path. A scream was out of my throat before I could stop. Emmet jumped and I saw him crush Alice. The horrible screeching was muted because it was under water but it actually made the scene more horrible. Some part of me knew Alice would be okay. I mean I'd seen her disable a Jasper attack. But all I could think was that Emmet was going to kill her. I moved as fast as I could to the scene and actually climbed out of the pool.

I looked down at where they had disappeared and almost fainted. Edward saw and rushed to my side. We looked down, me with Edward's support, and suddenly Edward started to chuckle. I could only look in shock. It had looked like someone had lost an eye. I looked closer and saw how it looked so fake. The water was stained and I looked at Emmet. He clutched his eye socket and staggered to one of the lounges. Realizing what I wanted Edward moved with me to the chair. Emmet grinned and looked at me opening his eye. His eye was still there.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

"If I asked real nice would you punch him for me?"

He just chuckled.

Bella: What were you thinking Emmet? I know you could hear my heart. Did you hear it when it stopped? Did you hear it when you almost gave me a heart attack?

Emmet: No actually, I was focusing on getting it right. I'm sorry though, if I had known that you would have reacted that way I wouldn't have done it.

Bella: bull!!

Emmet: ok so you caught me.

Hope you guys like the first 3 or four chapters if you put there titles together you will get a hilarious saying. The whole saying was too long for one chapter title so I'm splitting it up. Please R&R!!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Chapter 3

…Then it's freaking hilarious!!

(a/n there's the total saying, for anyone who was actually paying attention)

Bella: Hey Emmet?

Emmet: Have you forgiven me for the last incident yet?

Bella: Not completely, but I need your help.

Emmet: With what?

Bella: A prank.

Emmet: Say no more! I'm there, name the time and place and I'll be there!

Emmet: I'll get to prank everyone this summer!

Bella: Ok, calm down. Down little bear, it's only on Edward and Alice.

Emmet: Oh, double the fun!

Bella: Ok here's the plan….

Several hours and a couple of rockstars later.

Bella: You should have seen ur face! OME!! –roflmao-

Edward: Yes, I guess it was, if you enjoy the pain of a tortured man.

Alice: Bella, you are so mean…

Alice: O, ok that was so much meaner,

Bella: Well, I got my revenge for the food prank earlier! OME! That was so freaking hilarious!

Edward: I think that prank may go down in history,

Edward: I mean seriously, the whole jumping off the roof right into a whole while pretending to be mad at me, that was probably a really good payback for all that I've put you through.

Bella: YES IT WAS!!

(a/n: I know it was extreeeeemley short but I can't get the juices flowing with out chocolate at midnight, well actually quarter after, hope you guys enjoy though!)

--Nutmeggers--


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Lions, Tigers, and Bears, Oh My!

(a/n sorry for any confusion or stupid-ness in last chapter! It was like quarter after midnight and I didn't have any chocolate, also another disclaimer, I don't own anything even vaguely Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, or Midnight Sun related, that' all Stephenie Meyer, however much I wish I did own Edward! Hope you enjoy! P.S. Bella isn't in this chapter at all, poor bella, she's probably feelin all left out!)

Edward: Hey Alice, all set, you ready?

Alice: Yep, heading out to get you now, Carlisle said we could take the bmw, but I assured him we would take the Porsche.

Edward: -sigh- are you ever going to go anywhere without that again?

Alice: Nope, c'mon, I'm hungry!

Edward: All right, 5 minutes

Alice: I know

Alice: Did you get it?

Emmet: Yep, Mountain Lion hide and scent, check

Alice: Great, did Rose…

Emmet: Bear Hide/scent, check

Alice: and mine?

Emmet: Bengel Tiger hide/scent, check

Alice: and we are meeting up where?

Emmet: there's an old cabin that's been abandoned for about 20 years three miles from where your hunting

Alice: -maniacal giggle- great, meet me there in an hour.

3 hours and a mean prank later

Carlisle: Alice hale/cullen, HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO YOUR BROTHER!!

Alice: it was just some fun…

Carlisle: well, you better make sure you apoligize BEFORE you get home or no shopping for the rest of the decade!

Alice: all that for a stupid prank?

Carlisle: for nearly killing your brother from shock!

Alice: oh all right

Carlisle: no shopping for a year though

Alice:WHY??

Carlisle: because he was nice enough to get you a Porsche and then you go and do this!

Alice: -sniffle, sniffle- ok, but I won't talk to you for while.


	5. Chapter 5

Hope you guys enjoy, chapter warning, maybe extreme stupidness flying around at random intervals, I strongly suggest you duck

Hope you guys enjoy, chapter warning, maybe extreme stupidness flying around at random intervals, I strongly suggest you duck or else you will be hit and it will actually make sense! R&R please!!

Disclaimer- I do not own anything Twilight or even stephenie meyer related except my love for the series.

Chapter 5

Magic moments…

(a/n this is a combination of harry potter and twilight because I'm currently re-reading the 7th book so I'm going to be making fun of it. Just a little tho since I'm a fan.)

Harry: So are we going to take a vacation or what? We haven't seen in each other since our kids got on the train.

Hermione: Ya, Ron's working on tickets, we're goin to this place called Forks in a couple weeks, it's this rainy little town where we can be together and lock ourselves inside, if you know what I mean.

Harry: Ok first, EWWWW!! And second I think Ginny and I might go with you.

3 Weeks later

Harry: Ok, that was extremely bizarre. None of our spells worked on them. And did that one boy look like Cedric to you guys?

Hermione: Ya, don't worry Ginny's with us. I think the only spell that worked on them was the sunlight spell and then they just sparkled!

Harry: Ya, what was up with that?

Edward: Did you see them? They had those weird wand shaped things. And did you see those dresses?

Alice: I think they were robes, Edward. And did you get any scent off of them?

Edward: No, they just smelled like old fashioned quill and parchment.

Alice: Well, I saw them leaving town so we should be ok from now on. I think they were real live witches and wizards!

Edward: WHAT? Really alice, and then pigs are going to fly!

Alice: Hey we're vampires right?

Edward: Yes, so?

Alice: so anything is possible right?

Edward: -pout- I guess


End file.
